Words from the cycle touring version of the Proclaimers song, adjusted for inclusivity with diverse and multicultural linear units of measurement. Concocted for performance at the Cycle Touring Festival annual gathering at Clitheroe on Sun 1 Oct 2023.
C (F, G)
When I wake up, and I go out for a ride
I’m gonna be the one that’s ridin’ there with you
When it’s rainin’, and you need a place to hide
I will be the one who’s hidin’ there with you.
If you puncture, and your inner tube goes down
I’m gonna be the one who patches it for you
And if you’re knackered, so you catch a train to town,
I’m gonna be the one who catches it with you.
But I would ride 500 miles
And I would ride 500 more
Just to be the one who rides a thousand miles
To fall down at your door
At the border, when your passport needs a stamp,
I’m gonna be the one who’s stampin’ there with you
And in the evenin’, when you find a place to camp,
I’m gonna be the one who’s campin’ there with you.
When you’re curious, and you’re wantin’ to explore,
I’m gonna be the one who’s curious there with you
And when you’re furious, over Brexit and much more,
I’m gonna be the one who’s furious there with you.
But I would ride 800 kilometres, etc
→ D (G, A)
When it’s easy, and the day is goin’ well,
I wanna be the one who’s easy there with you
And when you’re queasy, on the ferry ride from hell,
I wanna be the one who’s queasy there with you
And I would ride 434.5 nautical miles, etc
When sun is shinin’, and you’re lazin’ in the park
I wanna be the one who’s lazin’ there with you
When stars are twinklin’, and you’re gazin’ in the dark
I wanna be the one star-gazin’ there with you
But I would ride 5.379×10-6 astronomical units, etc
→ E (A, B)
When we’re climbin’, and we get up to the top,
There’s a selfie that I wanna take with you
When bells are chimin’, there’s a question I will pop,
And I’ll be eatin’ weddin’ cake with you
Yes I would ride 500 miles, etc
Call the Pro-claimers now.