Astrology is derided by scientists, but what do they know? There must be something in it, because it is centuries old and believed in by many people despite all evidence to the contrary. Like homeopathy, or your local council’s cycling strategies. Anyway, here is another round of horoscopes for cyclists…
Raleigh (20 Mar–20 Apr) You always wanted to be an inspiration to someone. Unfortunately today you inspire the scriptwriter of Casualty.
Brompton (21 Apr–20 May) Where there’s a will, there’s a way. But when the cycling aspirations of your national government quietly died last year, they didn’t leave one.
Specialized (21 May–20 Jun) As one door closes, another opens. You’ll remember this too late when the contraflow takes you alongside a line of parked cars.
Kona (21 Jun–21 Jul) You prove that bikes really can put a smile on people’s faces today when you qualify as a plastic surgeon and cycle to the clinic.
Scott (22 Jul –22 Aug) Where you lead, others follow close behind. Shame it’s a narrow single lane and so many of them are HGVs.
Pashley (22 Aug–Sep) You’’re always trying to run before you can walk. The problem is solved today when an encounter with a bus renders you able to do neither.
Cannondale (20 Sep–21 Oct) Music could have an impact on you today when a pedestrian listening to their iPod abruptly steps out in front of you.
Thorn (22 Oct–21 Nov) You enjoy finding new ways round things. Just as well, given all those roadworks on Waterloo Bridge today.
Dawes (21 Nov–20 Dec) You’re not one of those dreadful smug cyclists. You’re just pleased because we’re superior to everyone else.
Trek (21 Dec–20 Jan) It’s time to grasp the nettle. It’s the only way of clearing these overgrown cycle paths.
Giant (21 Jan–19 Feb) You plan a bank robbery with the perfect getaway by wearing blue shoes, trousers, jacket and gloves, painting your face and hair the same colour, and escaping along a London Cycle Superhighway.
Dahon (19 Feb–20 Mar) You set safety researchers an intriguing problem this afternoon when you sustain head injuries from a spilled vanload of cycle helmets.